


the twin arts of seduction and poetry: a guide, by sasuke uchiha

by floating_cats



Series: SasuHina superhero/bad poetry AU [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: (not literally), Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Crack, F/M, Hinata is a goddess, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, and everyone who interacts with him, is BAFFLED, sasuke is a bit of a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24700123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floating_cats/pseuds/floating_cats
Summary: Sasuke Uchiha - supervillain, cat-lover and wannabe poet - attempts to woo the Woman of his Dreams.'i would prefer normal death threats, thank you' from Sasuke's POV.
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Uchiha Sasuke
Series: SasuHina superhero/bad poetry AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785673
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	the twin arts of seduction and poetry: a guide, by sasuke uchiha

**Author's Note:**

> Sasuke's views on pink hair and croissants are not my own.

_Sasuke_

The first time Sasuke had walked into _Kanbi,_ he had walked straight back out again. 

He frowned and looked around. He was standing where he didn’t want to be, on the busy street outside the café. _Why did I do that?_ he thought, irritated, and tried again. Clearly caffeine withdrawal combined with lack of sleep was getting to him; as much as he hated to admit it, maybe his brother was right, and he should stop drinking eight cups of coffee a day to compensate for only sleeping three hours a night. 

The little bell over _Kanbi’s_ door rang as he entered again. As he approached the counter, heavy realisation smashed into him like a punch to the stomach, leaving him struggling for breath. 

So she was why he had run away – no, _tactically retreated_ before.

The barista had a quiet, graceful mien. She was slight and pale, with a long veil of midnight black hair, and suddenly, he was attacked by a barrage of images: she was sitting on his sofa, one of his cats curled around her shoulders while they played _Animal Crossing_ together; she was kissing him goodbye before he Went Avenging; it was Halloween, and they were wearing matching Gomez and Morticia Addams costumes; and she would look really good on the Uchiha family Christmas card, and his – 

She glanced up, turning large, long-lashed eyes onto him, and he felt he was being impaled in the chest by a kunai; her eyes shimmered like his favourite sword in the moonlight, dazzling, yet mysterious, and her lips, they – right, they were moving, so she was probably saying something. Sasuke started out of his rapture and forced himself to look the barista in the eye, to show that despite her frankly terrifying allure, She Did Not Intimidate Him. 

She squeaked.

They stared at each other. 

Finally, Sasuke broke the silence. ‘Hn.’ 

And walked straight out again, mind whirring furiously.

_Suigetsu_

‘Suigetsu?’ Sasuke asked his flatmate.

‘Yeah?’

‘Do you believe in witchcraft?’

Suigetsu snorted. ‘Have you _met_ Karin?’ Then he remembered who he was talking to, and his forehead creased in a suspicious frown. Across many years of friendship, Sasuke had showed an active interest in… about six things (Suigetsu thought that was being generous) and witchcraft was _not_ one of them. ‘Hold up, why are _you_ asking?’

Sasuke had the nerve to roll his eyes, as if _Suigetsu_ was the one asking a stupid question. ‘Just answer.’

Suigetsu considered. ‘I mean… you can hypnotise people just by looking at them and I’m a human bath bomb, so…’

‘So?’

‘So… yeah.’

‘Hn,’ Sasuke said, his brow furrowing as he settled back onto the sofa and resumed glaring at the wall.

_Sasuke_

For the next week, Sasuke battled with himself. 

One half of him desperately wanted to go back to _Kanbi_ and see the beautiful barista with the _Tamahagane_ eyes; the other was convinced she had cast an evil spell on him and he should stay away forever. Eventually, he reached a compromise of sorts: he _would_ go back, but he would wear mirrored sunglasses and activate the Sharingan, which would allow him to see through any enchantments that gorgeous, fiendish baristas were flashing about to ensnare vulnerable supervillains. So it was basically an important, dangerous mission.

However, when he returned to the café, the gorgeous, fiendish barista was nowhere to be seen; another girl was in her place at the counter. 

Sasuke considered just walking out, but against his better judgement, decided to hang about and order something. As soon as the replacement barista saw him, her jaw dropped and a blush spread over her face. Inwardly, Sasuke sighed wearily. His extraordinary good looks really were his burden to bear.

‘H-Hi,’ the replacement barista said breathlessly. ‘Welcome to _Kanbi!_ ’

Sasuke looked at her, and was slightly alarmed; her _whole head_ seemed to be blushing. Yes, he was ridiculously attractive, but surely that response wasn’t medically normal? He deactivated the Sharingan, took off his sunglasses, and – oh, her hair was actually pink, – presumably she had _intentionally (?!)_ dyed it - slightly more so than her face. 

She was still smiling at him, as if waiting for a response.

‘Hn.’

She beamed. ‘What can I get you?’

‘Espresso.’

‘Is that all?’ she asked. He nodded. ‘I can throw in a slice of cake, or a croissant, or a cookie, on the house - ’

Sasuke was about to tersely refuse (he despised sweet foods, and would sooner have stapled himself to a wall than eaten a croissant) when he heard a soft voice: ‘Sakura, here’s the tomato cake!’

And then, it seemed to happen in slow motion; She Appeared at the doorway behind the counter, her silky dark hair pinned up, and her eyes – Sasuke had thought about them extensively since he last saw her, but they were even more captivating than he remembered, revealing shades of misty violet, as spectacular as his Susanoo when it had smashed through that redhead’s defences the other week.

And she was holding _tomato cake._ Sasuke adored tomatoes in all forms; he had even named his cats after his favourite varieties of the fruit. _When I propose to her,_ he thought giddily, _I’ll hide the ring in a tomato, and -_ The moment was ruined slightly when the tomato cake-bearing angel laid eyes on Sasuke and promptly fled. He consoled himself with the thought that at least she _remembered_ him; he had made an impression, and that wasn’t a bad thing, right?

‘Slice of that,’ he said to the replacement barista, pointing to the tomato cake. His mind was made up; spell or no spell, he would _definitely_ keep coming back.


End file.
